The Mental Load of Parenting a Child with Autism: What Every Mum Needs to Know

Liz Smalley
Jul 7
3 min read

Updated: 3 days ago

One of our grandkids chose the movie 'Yes Day', over the weekend while they were staying with us. I was really struck by the mum's frustration with having to carry the mental load of organising a typical family. One of the kids had made a video for school showing the mum to be an angry rage monster. She felt like the fun police and had lost her joy. Maybe you can relate? I remember that feeling all too well, even all this time after my kids have grown up. You're not imagining it. It is really hard! You're not failing! You're doing great!

In the movie, there was a big calendar on the fridge and she asked her partner - haven't you read this? How did you forget? You go to the fridge 10 times a day. The frustration was boiling over. She was angry and felt alone with all the responsibilities. Parenting is a juggling act, but raising an autistic child or children, brings a unique set of challenges that can leave you feeling exhausted, isolated, and overwhelmed. It's even harder if you're autistic or have ADHD or both, yourself. Often there's more than one neurospicy family member!! If you’re a mum navigating this journey, you’re not alone.

Understanding the Mental Load

The mental load is the invisible work of managing your child’s needs, therapies, appointments, and advocating for them in every environment—from home to school and beyond.
Many mums become case managers, counsellors, and fierce advocates, often at the expense of their own wellbeing.
The constant need to plan, organise, and anticipate challenges can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and feelings of guilt for taking time out for yourself.

Why Is the Load So Heavy?

Endless appointments: From therapy sessions to medical check-ups, the calendar fills up fast.
Advocacy: Fighting for your child’s needs in education, healthcare, and social settings can be emotionally draining.
Financial pressure: Specialist services and therapies often come with significant out-of-pocket costs.
Social isolation: Many mums feel alone, as friends and family may not fully understand the daily realities of parenting an autistic child.
Unpredictability: Just when you think you’ve found a routine, things can change overnight.

How Does It Affect Mums?

My research found that 31% of mums with ASD kids had PTSD directly from their child's challenging behaviours. This has a huge impact on coping and mental health, when you feel jangled already and someone's sock has a lump!
Higher rates of stress, anxiety, and depression compared to parents of neurotypical children.
Physical exhaustion from constant care and disrupted sleep.
Mental Fatigue from all the prompting and reminding everyone.
Guilt for prioritising your own needs or feeling like you’re not doing “enough”.
Strain on relationships and reduced time for self-care.

Practical Strategies for Lightening the Load

Seek support: Connect with other mums in similar situations—online groups and local networks can be a lifeline.
Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself you’re doing your best. Taking a moment to breathe or ask for help is a strength, not a weakness.
Access professional help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to a psychologist or counsellor for your own wellbeing.
Use tools and reminders: Diaries, phone alarms, and visual schedules can help manage the mental clutter - but only if people look at it, right!.
Prioritise respite: Even short breaks can recharge your energy and patience. Consider making a date with yourself for a coffee on your own. This where revenge bedtime can kick in and take a toll. You stay up late because you haven't had any time to yourself during the day or evening.

You’re Not Alone

Remember, the mental load is real and valid. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure. A great place to start is on facebook groups with other parents with neurospicy kids. You don't have to post if you don't want to and you can read along and hear what works for other families.

This is why when I do an assessment we offer aftercare. You get a resource list of places that can help, a list of financial supports available that are also in a previous blog, instructions on how to apply to the NDIS and the offer to reach out any time in the future if you get stuck or need a form or a letter. It's all part of the comprehensive care we provide with an assessment. We know what it feels like because we've been through it. That's why we're with you all the way.

#AutismParenting #MentalLoad #MumLife #AutismSupport #Neurodiversity #ParentingInAustralia #YouAreNotAlone