The Unsuspected Affair


Is love enough? It’s great to love the person you’re in a relationship with, but is that enough? I see many couples who tell me they love each other, so what’s the problem? Sometimes one or both people are having a secret affair – but it’s not with another person, it’s with themselves. The better question to ask is, “Do we love our partner more than we love our selves?”

“Do we love our partner more than we love our selves?”

It’s easy to love someone when we get what we want. But how are we going at giving our partner what they need - when it costs us something. It might cost us time, money or energy. Are we willing to give to them sacrificially or do we secretly love ourselves more than them, and choose our wants and needs first, above our partner’s?

This is not to say we completely lose ourselves and our identity, becoming a slave to every whim of our partner, no matter the cost. That would be narcissism. But it does mean considering your partner’s wants and needs rather than just suiting yourself all the time.

Choosing to love our partner when it causes us discomfort, when it costs us something, is sacrificial love; a gift given freely, not a debt that demands payment. This is a level of deep loving beyond saying I love you. It is saying I love you more than I love myself.

#Affairs #couplescounselling #narcissism

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